After spending the past few months dreading being 17 its finally here. I remember once sitting with someone when things were at my worst and I was at my lowest weight and them asking "What do you want to do when you leave school?" I replied with "I wont live that long" and at the time I meant it.
I was convinced that I would not live past 16 and wasn't coping with the thought of being 17. 17 is old and I don't really think i'll get anywhere in life and blah blah blah. Today was supposed to be a hard day and in someways it was. The early hours were spent telling someone I care about that suicide wasn't the answer to their problems.
I hate birthdays but this one although off to a rough start has been quite alright. It always shocks me when people say nice things to me on my birthday, like hello, why? Im such a gimp guys. But it is actually amazing how the small kind comments make a big difference 'To the BEST neighbour in the WORLD and a lovely person to be around' 'To our lovely Lydia' 'Happy birthday brownie , you may be only 17 and im ----, but you are one amazing friend xxx' 'you've gotten through another year and i'm so proud of you... Thankyou for being a brilliant friend' ''I hope you have the most wondefullest birthday my dearest, you deserve it more than anyone I know '
AND the most exciting bit about today? The fact that i have a wonderful friend who threw me a wonderful surprise party thing and Jilly you are brilliant and I can't thank you enough. I am so touched by today and thank you everyone who made today bearable like I can't even put into words right now how much peoples kind words and actions mean to me.
And guess what.... I made it to 17! Hoorah (I think) even though that means im an adult next year so should probably think about doing something with me life, but i'll panic about that in something like 330days.. Once again thankyou brilliant people, especially you Mrs Walker!!! It means sooo sooo soooo much xxxxxxxxxxxxx
(And thankyou everyone for the presents/cards/messages. You're all fab)
((Note to self: Diet starts tomorrow, birthdays are rubbish reasons to binge))
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