Its 12.05am, monday. I hate mondays, I'm not sure why, It's not like I've had to get out of bed on a monday since leaving school. That's besides the point though. Monday mean's its tuesday tomorrow, which means tomorrow is the first day of my new job.
You could say my life is going swimmingly. I have a job, I wasn't even looking for the job, I pretty much had it handed to me on a plate. I've got a 6 week holiday to South Africa booked and even more importantly I have discovered cadbury dairy milk with Oreo. Thing's are going swimmingly, I feel like I'm drowning.
I am not used to thing's being so calm. I'm not used to things falling into place. Thing's are going swimmingly but I can't swim. With every good thing that happens I feel guilty, I don't deserve them. These wonderful things are supposed to make me happy but I don't deserve happiness either.
The better thing's seem to get the worse my depression gets. It doesn't make sense, I know. I feel so undeserving. I watch as people I love suffer because of how bad things are going for them, I don't get it, they deserve the good more than I do. So why are things going right for me and not them?
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say or achieve by writing this. I'm not even going to finish this post.
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