There's a song lyric to a song that I don't know the name of that says something like "People are just people they shouldn't make you nervous" and while a large part of me agrees with that statement the part of me that gets nervous by other people think's that statement is ridiculous.
I am terrified of people. I'm 17 years old and conversation scares me. People scare me. I have never made an important phone call, whether it be to arrange an appointment or to ask about a job. It scares me that I do not know the person on the end of the phone. I'm not much better in person either. Strangers make me nervous.
I have never gone to an appointment by myself, I get too scared to talk. I struggle to talk to people my own age. I struggle to talk to 90% of adults. The amount of times I didn't understand my work in school because I was simply too scared to ask a question that might be perceived as "Silly" and was terrified that if my classmates heard they might think I was stupid for not understanding. People my own age will always be the age group that bullied me, that's why they make me nervous.
Leave me on my own with a man over the age of 30 and there's a 10000% chance I will struggle to make conversation. If I don't get myself into a panic when I'm left alone with them it is quite frankly a miracle. Whether I know them quite well or whether they are a complete stranger it doesn't matter. Previous events involving old men are the reason the male species make me nervous.
I'm nervous when meeting females for the first time to, because I know how judgmental and bitchy we girls are. If they're older I'm even more nervous because chances are they're going to be patronizing or compare you to their own children and that just means even more being judged.
This is probably going to be something that will always hold me back and I'm forever coming across as rude when I struggle to make conversation. Forever coming across as stupid when I get so nervous I can't bring myself to answer the simplest of questions. Childish when I refuse to go into a shop by myself unless they have a self scanner.
People are just people and they shouldn't make me nervous, but they do.
You will be surprised how as you get older and experience more of life your confidence grows. Some of us have lived with very similar fears to what you have so eloquently penned , some of us have had to also face those fears with with the added burden of a stammer ( very common amongst the male species ) which has further added to our fear of being percieved as being an idiot ) every time we open our mouths to speak ! I promise it gets better and most importantly remember - where perfect love resides , fear loses it's grip. You'll be fine , just don't ever let fear in any form let you miss out on any opportunity that life brings your way !
ReplyDelete