When I was in Africa I had a love hate relationship with food. The first 10 days I was there I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything, as a result I fainted, I lost weight and my size 4 shorts wouldn't stay up.
After that I began eating not really by choice but to make everyone else happy. Which in turn led to me bingeing most days, my weight crept up, my size 4 shorts now don't do up.
I gained 9kgs. My jeans don't fit and my stomach bulges out more than it ever has. My thighs touch and my face is just a ball of fat with a new chin added on... sexy. I hate myself for it.
Yet while I see a new thick layer of blubber suffocating my body everyone else doesn't seem to see the same. I see a morbid obese person looking unhealthily fat. Everyone else just see's, me?
Everyones been telling me theyve never seen me look this "good", i've looked so "alive", I look "healthy, beautiful, glowing" and someone even said "I can look at you now, before I couldn't you just looked sick" and everytime someone compliments me on my weight gain I feel another piece of my heart break off, it feel's like everyone is stabbing me.
It feels like everyone Is lying about what they say, I look fat and that is all there is too it.
I know everyone means well but if everybody could stop commenting on my physical appearance I would appreciate that, until I've either lost some of this excess weight or come to terms with the fact that this is my body.
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