Change is going to happen.

I have neglected my blog, which probably isn't a bad thing, people stopped reading and my posts got repetitive.

There has been a few minor changes in my life recently. So let me quickly tell you what they are before I proceed. I now have an iPhone and have finally let go of my ancient blackberry, r.i.p.
I have gone the longest I ever have without cutting myself, go Lydia!!!  Oh and I have a new ob which I have a love-hate relationship with. I also have a nice long holiday to South Africa booked, remember how scared I was before? Now I am excited!!

I have had loads of goals/achievements in mind that have both been put their quite by accident and shoved in there by other people, but the one I'm most excited to tell you about (which is also the biggest change) is....

Recovery.

I always liked to pretend i was recovered/recovering but in reality I was far from it. I had unhealthy thoughts and an unhealthy relationship with food. My goal weight was 'Emaciated' And now it's 'Six Pack'. Even when I was 'Recovering' what that really meant was eat but enough to still drop down to 7stone. It's no longer that. I am genuinely for the first time in my life determined to be healthy.

I've started exercising not because I want to burn calories but because I feel good afterwards, because I want toned abs and nice thighs, because strong is the new skinny and sore is the new sexy.

I'm starting to work on my relationship with food and my relationship with the scales has changed. Instead of weighing myself 4/5/6 times a day I can now go wait for.. TWO days without weighing myself. - This might not seem like a lot but for me this is a massive things.

I don't need to self harm because actually i'd rather push myself harder in my workouts and feel sore then cut myself and be scarred.

And I think instead of repeating myself with what I say in my blog posts, I am probably going to for the most part blog about my road to recovery, the good the bad the ugly.

But I can not wait for the day I get to tell everybody that I have a six pack - wooo!

Watch this space - If you wan't to...

Fuck you anorexia, i'm taking my life back!