Deja Vu

I apologize for the fact i'm going to mention africa and weight again.

I GO TO AFRICA IN TWO WEEKS! I've gained back all the weight I lost. I am fatter than I have ever been and I know why. I have lost control. I've been very, very, very emotional recently, my mental health is quickly declining, I have lost control of everything. Food is included in that. In fact food was the only thing I've ever been able to control.

I wake up every day, weigh myself and have breakfast. Usually a banana, I then tell myself i'm not going to eat for the rest of the day. By the end of my work day I'm tired, emotional and very hungry. I get home, I binge. I hate myself. I punish myself. I go to bed. I repeat this day in and day out and I'm always telling myself that tomorrow will be different.

Tomorrow is always the same, just a different number on the scale, a bigger number, a scarier number. The higher the number gets the more I hate myself.

I have two weeks to lose like 10stone... I can't cope with the skin i'm in.