I don't know why you decided to become apart of my life, you've been part of my for several years now and this has been a hard decision to make... But, I think it's time for us to part., it's not me, it's you.
For a long time the idea of losing you has actually been quite a scary one but only because I wasn't sure who I would be without you. I got so used to you hanging around that leading a normal life just seemed an impossibility. In fact you've been around longer than near enough anything else in my life. You were loyal and stuck to me like glue. But it's time for me to break the bond between us.
It's a bit like when a person drinks too much of a certain alcohol and it makes them sick so they can't even bare the thought of it anymore. Or like that time I binged on bakewell Nakd bars and now even looking at them makes me feel slightly ill. You have so much of something that the thought of it is no longer pleasant one.. You were never a pleasant thought, but it's kind of the same thing, I've had my fill of you and no longer can deal with your presence
You took over every aspect of my life, you made me push away my friends, hate myself, feel worthless and made me question whether my life was even worth living. You might of been loyal but you certainly haven't been a friends. I am bored of listening to your constant negativity, Telling me i'm not good enough or how everything is my fault, making me actually quite selfish (Someones in a grump? Must be because of me. People I don't even know are whispering? Must be bitching about me. Someone is crying? Must be something I have said or I have done) but not everything is about me, why would you even want me to think that?
You kept up at night with panic attacks and endless tears for reasons that seemed so small. Or like tonight for no reason at all, just a crippling wave of sadness that causes my tears to pour and my chest to hurt and hurting myself seem lie a completely logical thing to do (Thankfully, I manage to block out the hurting bit, you've scarred me enough).
I can't even pretend that I m grateful for having known you, you've been nothing but trouble. You've made me lonely, insecure and afraid. And while over the past few weeks you've been trying to tighten your grip, it really is time for you to let go.
I can not bare the thought of having to live the rest of my life with you in it, so please do me a favor.
Sincerely
Lydia.
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