There's more than anorexia!

I apologize for the lack of blog posts over the past couple of days, i haven't had chance to sit down!
Today s post will be about less common eating disorders. The one's that aren't anorexia or bulimia so nobody seems to talk about.

Orthorexia - A person suffering with orthorexia will only eat foods that they think to be 'healthy' 'safe' or 'clean' and avoiding foods the deem as unhealthy. So not eating chocolates/crisps and perhaps eating only organic, sugar-free foods.

Drunkorexia - I'm not entirely sure on the in's and outs of this one but drunkorexia is literally restricting foods  in order to be able to binge drink without gaining weight from the excessive alcohol consumption. It is also when alcohol is used to suppress your appetite and therefor lose weight.

Night eating syndrome - "People with night eating syndrome are characterized as people that put off eating until late in the day, who binge on food in the evenings and who experience problems with falling asleep and/or staying awake" (source)

Binge eating disorder - If you haven't guessed this is when a person binge-eats. Consuming large amounts of food on a regular basis, usually in a short period of time even if the person is not hungry.

(i have no idea why my fonts changed and i cant seem to change it back, sorry!)

Eating disorder not otherwise specified - (EDNOS) A person with EDNOS will show signs and symptoms of either one of more eating disorders but down not meet all the criteria to be diagnosed as only anorexic. For an example, if someone meets all the other diagnostic criteria for anorexia but still menstruates they would be diagnosed with EDNOS.

All eating disorders are serious, regardless of somebodies weight/size and no matter how much or how little they are eating all of the disorders can and will cause damage to a persons body.  

Bulimia.

And for today's Eating disorder awareness week post I will be talking about... Bulimia.

What is bulimia?
Bulimia (Bulimia Nervosa) is both a mental illness and an eating disorder. People with bulimia try to control their weight by bingeing and purging.

What is purging?
According to the dictionary purging is to 'Physically remove something completely'. Bulimic people can purge in a number of ways. These include self-induced vomiting, laxative abuse and excessive exercise.

Who gets bulimia?
While females are often more likely to develop bulimia nervosa it is also common in males (1 in 5 bulimia sufferers are male). Just like with other eating disorders, anybody can get bulimia at any stage in their life but it usually develops in females aged 18-19. It can develop in younger childhood but this is less common.

Diagnostic criteria
Some of the diagnostic criteria for bulimia can be found HERE.

Signs of bulimia
Changes in weight (Most bulimics are of a healthy weight, or even over weight, so don't assume because someone isn't stick thin theey are not suffering)
Cut, scarred or swollen knuckles. (This is caused by using finger to induce vomiting).
Disappearing soon after eating (To enable them to purge).
Periods of starvation or over-eating.
A rounder face (Caused by swollen saliva glands).

If you are suffering with an eating disorder I urge you to visit your GP so they can provide the help needed to recover. Treatment often includes talking therapy's, medications such as fluoxetine (anti-depressants) and in severe cases inpatient hospital treatment may be necessary.

If you are a parent/sibling/friend and think your child/sibling/friend might be suffering please try and talk to them. You may find THIS useful.

Inside the minds

I asked a few people, what it is/was like to have an eating disorder. Hoping it would give some people a better understanding. These eating disorders include Anorexia, Bulimia and Eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS) Here's the answers I received:

"It felt like I was stuck in a black and dark hole and I kept trying to haul my self out but kept falling back into it over and over again. But eventually there was a light and the hole opened up." "A constant fight against the mind and body that you'll never win ."

"I always felt hungry but something was telling me not to eat. I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough, it didn't matter how much weight I lost it wasn't enough."

"Its a living hell, that controls everything you do. You can't escape it not even when you go to sleep, its there 24/7 and no matter how much people try to help you, you are powerless to the eating disorder voice, it becomes you, it takes over your life, and your trapped, in a torturous turmoil that could ultimately kill you" "Like hell on earth.
Fighting with your worst enemy only to realise you are you're fighting yourself. Have you ever heard the comparison between an eating disorder and a life boat? "Imagine you're on a ship, there's a wreck and you fall into the water. It's cold, wet, stormy and terrifying. You have one life jacket. In the distance you hear someone calling to save you but in order to do so you have to let go of the life jacket. Anorexia is that life jacket. It is her safety and she's terrified to let it go"" "I couldn't think about anything but food, calories, weight, numbers. Nothing else mattered. I hated it and I hated myself. Recovery still to this day feels like losing a best friend." "Well, It's like you f***ing love food so much but eating is the worst thing you can do. You battle between eating the food because or beautiful, or the regret afterwards." If you're suffering with an eating disorder and are looking to get help click HERE.

Good girls swallow

For those of you who have me on facebook you may remember seeing this picture that I uploaded last year. A lot of dirty minded people where probably shocked (or amused) after seeing the photo., although, it's not as rude as it may seem.

The caption of the photo was "Millions of girls (and even boys) suffer from eating disorders and this week (Feb 11-17th) is eating disorders awareness week with this years theme 'Sock it to eating disorders'. Eating disorders do not discrimate, you dont have to be stick thin to have one, regardless of somones gender, age, weight, size, ethinicity, whatever, they could be suffering. So yes, Good girls do swallow, their food." So folks, it's that time of year again: eating disorders awareness week 2014 (23rd feb - 1st march).

I am planning to (but probably wont) write a different post for each day relating to some kind of eating disorder, finding help and other bits and bobs that cross my mind. So watch this space!

trigger warning

Everywhere I look (okay, only twitter, facebook and tumblr) there's this daft saying floating about.
"Suicidal people are just angels that want to go home"

And I think if i see this somewhere one more time I am going to scream. STOP ROMANTICIZING AND GLAMORIZING SUICIDE. Suicidal people are not angels, they are human beings, human beings with mental illnesses. They do not want to go 'home' they want the pain to stop.

They need love, support and real fucking help. They do not need people to try and turn suicide into some kind of cute shitty poetic bollocks.  It is a serious and already misunderstood problem that people need to stop sugar coating and  romanticizing.  So if you could all just stop for a second and offer real support instead of some bullshit quote that makes suicide seem like a perfectly normal and okay thing to do that would be much appreciated.


If you are suicidal and need support please ring one of these numbers. You can also google to see if your local mental health people have a crisis team that you can call.
Samaritans: 08457 909090
Child line: 0800 1111
NHS Direct:  0845 4647

Will you be my valentine?

I hate valentines day. (I'm sure i say this about every special day there is). Okay, maybe hate is not the right word. I just do not see the point in it. Everyone either feels sorry for themselves or shoves their love life in your face (well on their facebook).

So, to the people who moan about not having a valentine on valentines day here's a friendly reminder that some people don't have mothers on mothers day, or fathers on fathers day and they do not moan half as much as you. There's also the bonus of not having to waste your money on somebody. Who wants to receive flowers and chocolates anyway? Flowers die and chocolate lasts all of 2 seconds.

To the people who become husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend of the year on this special day, you're a moron. There are 364 other days in the year, if you want to be impressive love them for every single one of those day not just the 14th of feb. No one is fooled by you buying your partner a gift, telling them you love them or taking them out for a meal for one day of the year, do it often.

And for those feeling lonely, nobody loves you the rest of the year either today's no different. (That was a joke...). Just because you haven't received a card or been asked out does not mean you are not liked or not loved. Maybe someones just too afraid to admit they like you, your family and friends love you and more importantly God loves you.


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Time to talk: Time to change.

"Thursday 6 February is the first ever Time to Talk Day: 24 hours in which to start conversations about mental health, raise awareness and share the message that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, neither is talking about it."

I am Lydia, I have mental illnesses. I'm not ashamed because there is much more to me than my illnesses. Yes, I have an eating disorder. Yes, I have depression and yes, I self harm but that does not define me. 

There is more to me than scars and anti-depressants. I am mentally ill, I am not my mental illness. 

I'm madly in love with my bed and the idea of being a princess. I'm training to be a nursery assistant. The thought of getting old scares me and the thought of dying doesn't. Praying is my answer to absolutely everything. I can ride a unicycle and I have the best mum in the world. I make mistakes and I make progress. I am a vegetarian that happens to hate vegetables and love the smell of chicken nuggets. I find people fascinating but I also find them incredibly annoying. I enjoy heart-to-hearts and random chats over cups of tea. Patterned tights make me happy and I can not live with out milkshakes. I'm always forgetting to think before I speak and my bluntness is forever getting me into trouble. I care too much and worry a lot. I think I'm hilarious and new pajamas are my favorite. My mental illnesses do not define me.

There is so much more to me than my illnesses and the same applies to everyone else who has a mental illness.  They are a million times more than their diagnosis, they are a human being who has lots more to them than an illness.

You don't need to be ashamed. 

I can't swim.

Its 12.05am, monday. I hate mondays, I'm not sure why, It's not like I've had to get out of bed on a monday since leaving school. That's besides the point though. Monday mean's its tuesday tomorrow, which means tomorrow is the first day of my new job.

You could say my life is going swimmingly. I have a job, I wasn't even looking for the job, I pretty much had it handed to me on a plate. I've got a 6 week holiday to South Africa booked and even more importantly I have discovered cadbury dairy milk with Oreo.  Thing's are going swimmingly, I feel like I'm drowning.

I am not used to thing's being so calm. I'm not used to things falling into place. Thing's are going swimmingly but I can't swim. With every good thing that happens I feel guilty, I don't deserve them. These wonderful things are supposed to make me happy but I don't deserve happiness either.

The better thing's seem to get the worse my depression gets. It doesn't make sense, I know. I feel so undeserving. I watch as people I love suffer because of how bad things are going for them, I don't get it, they deserve the good more than I do. So why are things going right for me and not them?

I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say or achieve by writing this. I'm not even going to finish this post.

Not a people person.

There's a song lyric to a song that I don't know the name of that says something like "People are just people they shouldn't make you nervous" and while a large part of me agrees with that statement the part of me that gets nervous by other people think's that statement is ridiculous.

I am terrified of people. I'm 17 years old and conversation scares me. People scare me. I have never made an important phone call, whether it be to arrange an appointment or to ask about a job. It scares me that I do not know the person on the end of the phone. I'm not much better in person either. Strangers make me nervous.

I have never gone to an appointment by myself, I get too scared to talk. I struggle to talk to people my own age. I struggle to talk to 90% of adults. The amount of times I didn't understand my work in school because I was simply too scared to ask a question that might be perceived as "Silly" and was terrified that if my classmates heard they might think I was stupid for not understanding. People my own age will always be the age group that bullied me, that's why they make me nervous.

Leave me on my own with a man over the age of 30 and there's a 10000% chance I will struggle to make conversation. If I don't get myself into a panic when I'm left alone with them it is quite frankly a miracle. Whether I know them quite well or whether they are a complete stranger it doesn't matter. Previous events involving old men are the reason the male species make me nervous.

I'm nervous when meeting females for the first time to, because I know how judgmental and bitchy we girls are. If they're older I'm even more nervous because chances are they're going to be patronizing or compare you to their own children and that just means even more being judged.  

This is probably going to be something that will always hold me back and I'm forever coming across as rude when I struggle to make conversation. Forever coming across as stupid when I get so nervous I can't bring myself to answer the simplest of questions. Childish when I refuse to go into a shop by myself unless they have a self scanner.

People are just people and they shouldn't make me nervous, but they do.

I love...

• Mum 
• Dad
• You
• God
• 'Baby animals man like puppies and rabbits omg awwwh'
• Chelsea boots
• Leather jackets
• Flowers
• Chicken Nuggets
• Shoes/Shoe shops/Looking at shoes
• You me at six
• Breath taking views
• Sunshine
• 'The Emoji that looks like a smiling poo'
• Drinking Vodka/Vodka Redbull
• Bracelets
• Sleep
• Spud the hamster
• Florida
• Pizza
• Family
• Friends
• Partying

I asked people to list some of the things that they love and the answers above are only a small amount of the answers I got. Some people love the same things (Their Mother and Vodka being common answers) but no two lists were the same.  What I noticed, though, is that even in the longest list I received nobody said they loved themselves. And I wonder how far down their lists they are or if they're even on their list at all.

I know it's some massive thing about if you admit you like yourself you're 'big headed' but that isn't the case. It is okay to love yourself, you know why? Because you are F*cking amazin, okay.

"Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion" .- Margo Anand