Do and don't of dealing with depression

Having been depressed for what seems like a very long time with lots of ups and lots of downs and lots of medication and appointments and scars and tears it is only recently that I have first hand experience of living with somebody else who is depressed.

I did not realize how exhausting it can be to feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time, scared of saying or doing something that might lower their mood. (Obviously this is only true if you care about that person, if you live with a depressed person and you're not scared about upsetting them you're either brave of stupid, can't decide).

But knowing what it's like to both have depression and live with a depressed person I thought i'd share some Do's and Don't of the mistakes that I have learnt not to make again and the things that others have done to help me.

DON'TS
Do not be afraid to ask how they are feeling. Sometimes the answer they give isn't what we want to hear but we can't avoid asking how they are it makes them feel like nobody really cares.

Do not tell them they're 'lucky' and that 'others have it worse'. If you tell them others have it worse so they shouldn't be depressed, I hope they punch you in the face and tell you you can't be happy because others have it better. (See there's no logic in that!). Telling them how fortunate they are to have a good job/nice house/ loving family/food on the table/supportive friends/flashy car is not useful even the luckiest person in the world could be suffering, because depression isn't about what you do and do not have it's a mental turmoil that strangely enough a flashy car and a nice house can not fix.

Do not forget to look after yourself to. As i've already said it can be exhausting when you care about somebody who is depressed make sure you also find time to do the things you enjoy, your health and well being is equally as important as theirs.

Do not question why they are crying. They might just be having a bad day for no apparent reason or the smallest thing might have set them off, you can ask what's bothering them but if they don't want to tell you don't pry. Don't tell them they're silly for crying over something that doesn't seem like a big deal to you. Don't tell them not to cry or make them feel stupid for crying. Just pass them a tissue and if they wan't to talk, listen.

Do not get mad/take it personally. I know it's frustrating when you ask them to do something or invite them somewhere and they don't do it or cancel plans last minute. But getting mad isn't the answer, they can not help the way the feel and sometimes doing anything is psychically and mentally too much. Some days all they will do is breathe and that is okay. If they snap at you don't take it personally and never think their illness is you're fault, controlling their emotions isn't something that comes easily. If they cancel plans or don't want to go somewhere with you, it isn't because they dislike you or don't want to be seen with you. Leaving the house can seem like the most challenging thing for them.

Do not ask why their depressed. It's an illness, it happens. I hate to make this comparison but it's like asking a cancer patient why they have cancer or somebody who had a heart attack why they had a heart attack. Let's treat mental illness the same way you would a physical one.


DOS
Do listen without judging them. Sometimes the best and the only thing we can do is listen to at they have to say, without offering a 'solution'. Listening and showing that you are listening can be a massive thing, it shows you care. They might say something you believe is totally crazy but don't judge them for it (At least not out loud..)

Do nice things. My favorite people that have helped me through the difficult times are the ones who've randomly done kind things. (The people that would randomly give me chocolate, yum) or would just offer to do something for me reminded me that actually, I do have friends and people who care. It doesn't mean buying them things, sitting with them, spending time with them, doing something with them you know they enjoy, turning up with chocolate...

Do remember you can not fix them. Frustrating, i know. But you can't fix broken people the same way you'd fix a broken ornament, no amount of glue is going to hold them together. You can not magically heal them, you can how ever pray for them and encourage them to seek treatment if they have not already.

Do contact relevant people in times of need. If you are incredibly concerned about what they have said or done it is okay to contact people, they might dislike you for it in the moment but eventually they will thank you. (Eg, if you suspect they've overdosed or self harmed really badly call an ambulance. If you think they might be suicidal contact the crisis team. if you think they need lots of TLC and you don't think you have the time or energy to do it on that occasion contact one of their friends or family members).

Do ask them what you can do to help. Knowing what to do when somebody is depressed isn't a skill you can magically develop. Ask them what they think will help, what they would like to do or if there is anything you can do for them. If you don't ask, you'll never know.

Do give them space.  If they tell you to leave them alone sometimes that is when they need you most but don't suffocate them, give them time and space to themselves if that means they're going to sit and cry for 3 hours straight that's okay, let them, you don't need to be with them every minute or every day. If you're concerned they're going to hurt themselves while you're gone you are not accountable for their actions, you also need time and space for yourself and again, if you fear they may be suicidal contact the crisis team, you shouldn't try and deal with that on your own.

Start a revolution, Stop hating your body!

As summer approaches it's easy to focus on our wobbly bits - jiggly thighs, bulging stomachs and bums that just can not compete with Kim Kardashians. We spend too much time focusing on the bits of us we hate so then we hate ourselves. Maybe if we focused on the stuff we liked we'd like ourselves more. After all you can't look after something you hate so it's time to start liking ourselves.

So i've asked all sorts of people what they like about their bodies and why. These were males/females, old/young, tall/short, underweight/overweight/anywhereinbetweenweight and here's what the replies were..

I like ...

My Eyes (They're a really nice shade of green)
My Collar bones
My Broad shoulders
My smile
My Hair (It's the easiest thing I can change)
My boobs
How strong my body is, It's carried a baby, it can do anything!
My legs (They can run really fast)
That I am Hench
my eyes (they're green and that's my favorite colour)
The shape of my lips
My bump
The muscles on my arms
My hip bones
My eyebrows (They're on point)
My bottom (I worked hard to get it!)
My hands (they can do so much)
My eyes (because they're unique an people always point them out - they're my best feature)

Your body is an amazing thing. A beautiful thing. There is more to your body than whether it's a 'summer body' or not. Learn to love it.

START A REVOLUTION, STOP HATING YOUR BODY.


do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?