12 things they don't tell you about depression

1) There is no magic pill to make it better. 

Back when I was fourteen I was prescribed anti-depressants for the first time. Now at the age of twenty I've tried multiple different tablets, different doses, taking them at different times of day and I'm currently on the highest dose of my current mediation and guess what? I still have depression. Anti-depressants are not a cure but they can help.

2) There are various levels of functioning.
Until recently I'd always been considered high functioning - able to go to work or college, maintained personal hygiene routines and stuck to various commitments. For others work is no longer an option and washing hair is almost as difficult as lion taming. How well someone is functioning doesn't necessarily indicate how depressed a person is.

3) Someday's you don't feel a thing.

It's usually assumed a person with depression feels sad. However there will be days when you feel n.o.t.h.i.n.g and somehow that's worse.

4) It is painful.

It's not uncommon for those with depression to have joint pain or aching muscles, who'd have guessed that mental illness could physically hurt?

5) Suicidal doesn't always look like suicide attempts.

It can be not putting on your seat belt or not looking before crossing the road. Sometimes it's taking up smoking, putting yourself in dangerous situations, pushing people away, leaving your job or having sex with strangers. Because the consequences could be harmful, because pushing people away and not having a job makes you feel like you have less of a reason to stay. Suicidal doesn't always mean trying to die but not caring if you do.

6) Not everyone gets it and people leave.

It's okay that people don't understand, why would they if they've never been through it? and you know what else? it's okay that people leave too. The people who stay, the ones who try to understand, the ones who sit in A&E with you or hold you while you're sobbing, the one's who ask if you're okay and don't get offended when you shut them out for a while - those are the people you need. The one's who leave aren't the ones you need around you in this difficult time.

7) Sleep isn't just sleep.

People often question how I manage to seemingly spend so much time asleep. Sleep is an escape, you can't feel the aches and pains, your brain isn't screaming at you, you can't self destruct. But while sleep is beautiful, your sleep pattern is fluffed so actually feeling refreshed after sleeping doesn't happen all that often. Please understand im not trying to be lazy.

8) The little moments matter.

Sometimes it feels as though you have been so sad for so long that you can't even remember what happy is. Now and then though there are moments of genuine laughter that for a few moments make you forget about the darkness. Write them down, who were you with, what were you doing, remind yourself that you can still be happy.

9) It is addictive.

In the words of Gotye "you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness". You don't want to be depressed and you don't want to live the rest of your life like this, but it's comfortable. You start to feel guilty for being happy, like you don't deserve it. While the idea of a life without mental illness is a great one it's also bloody terrifying. You'll ruin chances and push people away because you feel likes its what you deserve.

10) You notice things others don't.

The faint scars on peoples arms, when people dodge the 'how are you?'s, the sad eyes despite the smiling mouth, the change in someones personality, the small comments that raise alarm bells when others hear a joke. It breaks your heart to think that someone else could be struggling too.

11)There is no dress code

If I had a quid for every time someone told me I don't look depressed i'd have at least enough to pay for next months happy pills. Depression is a MENTAL illness while it has physical symptoms it doesn't come complete with its own uniform and accessories. There is no rain cloud that follows me round. I might smile and wear colorful clothes but please don't mistake that for being mentally healthy.

12) You are strong.

You have survived every single day up until now, whether that means you're living even though you want to die, whether you need anti-depressants to function or whether you haven't left your house in 3 weeks. You are still here despite it all, you are strong. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve to take up space on this earth. Depression is a liar please try to ignore the negative things it tells you about you.

Secret supplies of toilet roll.

Recently I heard these words come out of somebody's mouth:"I wish I was anorexic, I might be skinny then". Now, I really hope this person was joking, or at the every least doesn't really understand that an eating disorder is a life-threatening mental illness. However I have come into contact with people who have spent large amounts of times looking up "tips and tricks" on how to engage in disordered behavior. The internet really is a scary place. Girls and boys encouraging each other to starve themselves, giving hints on how to skip meals, which laxatives to take, how much exercise you need to do to burn off a piece of bread etc etc.

So to the beautiful young girl who was wishing an eating disorder upon themselves, I'm going to give you some tips and tricks of my very own.


       First off all I'm going to give you a shopping list:

Bandages - you'll need them. With 25% of those eating disorder sufferers also engaging in self harm there's a one in four chance you will to. While hoarding first aid supplies don't forget to invest in long sleeve tops before everywhere stops selling them in the summer!

Loo roll. You probably think i'm joking but if you're going to abuse laxatives and don't want your family to be suspicious when a whole loo role is used up in a day then you'll need to have your own secret supply.

Sleeping tablets - say goodbye to a good nights sleep they won't exist anymore.

Concealer. The lovely dark bags under your eyes definitely aren't designer.

Bubble wrap. Do yourself a favour and wrap your body in layers of the stuff. Otherwise bruising will be caused from activities such as lying on your newly prominent hipbones and sitting on a no longer suitably padded back side.

        Okay, now that you have everything you need there's a few more steps to take too 
         prepare yourself.

Cancel all your weekend plans for the foreseeable future.Saturdays aren't for being social they're for sitting on the toilet after taking too many laxatives the night before. - On second thoughts cancel all your plans.you won't feel like seeing anybody anyway, and besides, even if you wanted to they might make you eat or ask questions when you don't.

Actually, your best option is to stop seeing your friends and family now. That way they won't see you shrink, can't question your behaviors, can't insist you get help and they only want you to get fat anyway. (By fat I mean healthy, but you won't know that at the time).

Only apply foundation in a downwards motion. Your pretty face will be covered in 'down hair' (fuzz that grows to keep you warm). Applying makeup in any other direction will cause the hair to stand out more.

While i'm on the subject of hair, your beautiful long locks will begin to fall out so I recommend you stop brushing it. Lose head hair but gain facial fuzz - sexy.

Don't bother brushing your teeth anymore. Grim, I know. Stomach acid from vomiting is only going to rot them and brushing them speeds up the process. Decaying teeth isn't a great look so you may as well slow down the process.

Start saving. You'll want to die but won't want your family to have to foot the massive cost of a funeral. A few grand will do.

Go and ask your doctor for anti depressants ASAP. If you're not depressed now you will be soon, best be prepared.

         And I can not stress the importance of this enough...

You do not want an eating disorder. You are beautiful the way you are. Do not play roulette with your body it's the only one you've got. If you really want to lose weight eat healthily and exercise. Life without chocolate isn't worth living. You lose more than weight; friends, aspirations, jobs, sanity and happiness will be lost along the way. They say that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels - skinny doesn't feel good, it feels like death warmed up. There is nothing wrong with your appearance, there is lots wrong with society. If you feel like you could have an eating disorder there are people and places you can turn to for help. Numbers on a scale do not define your worth. You are so loved (God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us - Romans 5:8).