I did it!

Now I know i've mentioned recovery and mental illness in my blog. So maybe its about time that mention that I am a recovering anorexic. Before you think I'm attention seeking by saying this, firstly go and read my previous post 'Silence speaks louder than words'. Secondly, I'm sick of eating disorders being such a misunderstood thing and people talking about their struggles is on the only way to change that.

Today, for the first time in what seems like forever, I ate in front of strangers. I haven't sat down at a table full of people to eat in so long. That alone would of been a big achievement, let alone with strangers too! I know, to some of you that may not seem like a big deal but eating in front of people always has been one of my biggest struggles when it comes to recovery.

While we sat round the table the conversation somehow turned to eating disorders, that was a little bit awkward. Especially when I was questioned as to whether I have an eating disorder or not. It was interesting to hear peoples perspectives on them though. - I think i'm going to post more about eating disorders in the future, to give other people and even myself a better understanding of them, watch this space!

This post is pretty meaningless and I'm sorry for wasting your time but I am proud of myself, its a rare feeling, so I thought I'd share.

Thank you for reading and sorry for the pointless post.
xxxx


Ps just a quick note to say that...Easter, contrary to popular belief, is not about chocolate. (If you had chocolate for breakfast I am judging you). It's so much more, Jesus is alive!

Recovery is hard

Now i'm not sure how many people who read this are in recovery from a mental illness or an addiction. If you are, I wish you the best of luck. If not, let me tell you that recovering from something psychological isn't as easy as recovering from a broken arm. With a broken arm it's simple, put in plaster, wait, fixed!

With a mental illness it's different. It isn't a matter of being wrapped up then waiting. Its a case of having to push yourself and it's hard. Every single day is a struggle, whether it's battling the urge to drown your emotions with a bottle of vodka, avoiding the temptation to put a razor to your skin or even forcing yourself to eat and keep it down. It is not a walk in the park.

Recovery is hard and it's far too easy to give up and relapse.
If you're recovering and feel like throwing in the towel, think for a minute. If you are pushing a broken-down car up a hill and you slip a little, do you let it roll to the bottom knowing that you'll have to start again? Or do you carry on pushing knowing that, as hard as it is, you don't want to start over?

I personally like to think i'm one of the people who keep pushing, whether i'm inches from the top and slip half way back down or whether i'm half way up and fall inches from the bottom. I do not want to reach the lowest point.

Recovery is an uphill battle and remember that even if you climb two steps up and fall one step back you're still higher than you were to begin with, you don't need to roll back to the bottom,you can carry on pushing. As hard as it might be it's even harder to start all over again.

Whoever you are, what ever you're recovering from, keep on fighting. I promise you it will be worth it.


"The moment you decide you want freedom more than your disorder, recovery becomes possible"

Silence speaks louder than words?

When babies are born they cry, It's a sign that they are healthy. They cry when they're hungry, cold, need changing, whatever. As they grow up into toddlers they aren't afraid to tell you when they're hurting, what they are feeling and why. When a small child needs help, they raise their voice, they want to be heard.

So, why, as we grow older does that change? What suddenly made the cry for help become a whisper?

We changed it. With our cruel words, selfishness and judgmental ways. Nobody feels able to open up in fear of rejection, in case their problems are dismissed as 'Attention seeking'. People walk around with a smile to mask their true feelings, but what lays behind the smile could be a completely different story. Abuse, self harm, starvation, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism?

We don't even think about the fact that behind closed doors that smile could vanish. People you know and love could be in desperate need of help and we can't give it them because we can't hear them anymore. We have silenced their cry. When we ask people how they are, they lie, they say "I'm fine" but in reality they are hurting.

During my deepest struggles I convinced people I was 'Fine' in an attempt to avoid the labels and cruel words people would associate me with. Eating disorder? ButArentYouTooFat. Self Harm? AttentionSeeking/Weird/Stupid/Selfish. Depressed? YourLifeIsntThatBad/Freak/Antisocial. I wasn't fine but I could not admit it because of peoples ignorance and unwillingness to understand.

I can guarantee someone you know is struggling and so badly wants help. You don't know it though because the lies and plastered on smiles have us fooled. But will it get the sufferer anywhere? No.

We need to start showing people we care, we need to accept that just like when a baby cries it isn't attention seeking, they need help. We need to show people that its okay to ask for help, that you won't judge them or dismiss them. We need people to open up without fear, before it becomes too late.

The start of something new

Why hello there! I'm Lydia, nice to 'meet' you.

I guess you could say right now I am losing my blogging virginity, how very exciting!
So I guess maybe I should start by sharing a bit about myself, I'm sorry if I bore you to tears.

I'm a 5 foot 4, blue eyed, blonde haired, 16 year old Christian who still hasn't learnt how to use punctuation properly. I spend most my time volunteering in a Cafe which I adore and attend college where I am studying 'Professional cookery'. Which is funny really because I don't intend on becoming a chef. Oh and i'm a triplet! - I've rewritten this paragraph a grand total of 24 times now, so I guess I better mention the fact I'm a really indecisive person.

Things you can expect me to talk about in my future posts are:

• Mental illness
• Recovery (struggles and successes)
• My amazing friends
• My family
• Religion
• Ranting about life
• Ranting about other people

I am basically just going to give you all access to my life, the good, bad and even the ugly.

I think i'm going to leave it there for today, thank you so much for reading and 'see' you soon!

 Lydia xxx