Don't do it!

If you have a friend who is struggling with an eating disorder it can be hard to know how to help them. This means a lot off the time people say or do the wrong thing. Eating disorders are very complicated and i'm still not entirely sure I understand them so how is someone who's never had one before going to understand? They're not.

But here is a list of things NOT to say to someone with an eating disorder (even if they're in recovery). All of these have been said to me and they're certainly not helpful.

"You look healthier" - This will be interpreted as 'You've got fat'

"What have you eaten today?" - This puts us in an awkward position. Chance's are we'll lie and pretend to have eaten a healthy amount to make you happy. On the other hand  we could tell the truth and see how disappointed you are and even worse you might decide to give us a long lecture about things we already know.

"If you think you're fat what does that make me?" - STOP. The way we see ourselves does not affect the way we see anybody else. We see you exactly as you are. Just because we might see ourselves as fat does not mean anybody who weighs more is instantly morbidly obese.

Anything that comments on the amount of food we've consumed. - things like "That's the most i've ever seen you eat" after pointing that out you can almost be certain that the rest of the day will be spent feeling guilty and possibly purging.  Or even "Is that all you're going to eat? That's not enough"  - Sit down and shut up. The fact that we've even eaten anything at all that day could be a major triumph. It makes everything awkward and could even put us off our food completely.

"Why are you doing this to me?" - We aren't. Its as simple as that. Eating disorders aren't some form of revenge we're not trying to get back at someone. We're doing this to ourselves and most of the time we probably aren't sure why.

I did have a long list of things not to say but unsurprisingly i've forgotten them all so this will have to do. I'm going to sleep, goodnight.