Rubbish Christian

Sometimes when I sit in the congregation at church or even on the odd occasions when i'm stood at the front of church singing or perhaps it's when i'm at the alpha course it feels like I am different, like I don't belong (okay, I am different). It feels like I am less important, less of a christian.

Everyone else know's what to pray and talks about how they've read the whole bible from cover to cover not once, not twice but more times than they can count. The talk about how God has healed them and portray this image that their life is perfect and that, well, their some sort of business class christian while I'm more economy class.

Sometime's it feels like I am in the wrong place, i'm supposed to be in a hospital for the broken and it seem's like i'm in a museum for the good. The sin-free the Icanmakeperfectcakesandquotethebiblewordforwordandicanprayfor10minutesstraightwithouttakingasinglebreath. Sometimes it feels like I don't belong.

I am different. Everyone else sticks to 1 corinthians 6:19-20 and treats their body as a temple, while my temple has both exterior and interior damage, it has been treated more like a Mcdonalds than a temple.  Everyone else sticks to 1 Peter 5:7 while I have anxiety attacks. Everyone else calls God their Father and seems to have some amazing bond with him( 2 corinthians 6:18) while I struggle to imagine God as this father figure, I love him but I'm not ready to call him Father, I know he made me but all I can think about is my earthly father, Can't I call him God the Granddad instead? (I have no link to word granddad so that'd be so much easier!). And don't even get me started on Exodus 20:13 that one I just can't seem to get the hang of (That was a joke...)

I am a sinner. I fight daily battles with Satan. I get tempted and 90% of the time I do or say something that other christians find shocking, even when I'm just being honest about how I find it hard to concentrate when I pray, I get looks of disgust as if to say "Well aren't you just a terrible christian then" (I understand them doing this when I'm swearing or rolling a cigarette mid-hymn but whatever). I am not perfect, neither are they.

Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" and I can't and nor should anybody else judge somebody just because they sin differently to me (or you)

and Romans 5:8 reminds us that "God show's his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."

So despite the fact I don't know the bible inside out and despite the fact I sin God still loves me and even if I were the only person to ever walk the earth Christ would have died for me, and he'd of done the same for you.