Fuck winter.

It's that time of year. I wake up and it's dark and miserable and still is hen I get to work (Oh and it's freezing) and then by the time I finish work it's freezing, miserable and dark. When I do go out in the day it's rare that it's sunny and even if it is it's still freezing. I spend the whole of winter wanting to be back in bed and get tempted to wrap myself in my duvet before standing in the garden to smoke.

But that's not the worst part about winter. Everything in the festive season revolves around food and don't get me started on christmas parties. I have gained so much weight that I resemble some sort of breached whale. I bought a dress for a party, it's baggy and it's black. I look like a binbag. I need a new dress. I've looked for hours and hours and can I find a new dress? Nope. It would be easier to find a dress if I could get one without sleeves, they look so much nicer - but not when it'd be revealing years worth of self-injury scars. I've found a long sleeved dress but it's bodycon. And with A body like mine the last thing I need is something to highlight how fat I am.

Everyday is a struggle and even now I'm worried about what I'll eat on christmas day and keep thinking back to how my weight then was a lot less than it is now and everyone who only visits around christmas time will laugh about how I've let myself go and gained so much weight and the anxiety is already taken it's toll. and I. Hate. Winter.