It Was A Happy Christmas

Anyone who has been reading my blog long enough might remember my post from last december "Christmas with an Eating Disorder"  or my Early christmas morning ' I hate christmas' post. Last year Christmas was a struggle. My weight was a pathetic 6Stone13 and lunch was just enough vegetables on my plate to spell out 'LYDIA' using them.

This year was slightly different. I didn't weigh myself Christmas morning, that was my present to myself. A whole day not being controlled by the number on the scale. (And believe me, the number would of been a lot more than it was last Christmas).

This Christmas was different. Yes, I was worried about how much I was eating but the difference is I coped with it better. (Okay not quite, i drank too much wine and therefor didn't care). I didn't let the voices in my head take over, I ate. A lot.

Wine + chocolate for breakfast, I fell asleep during lunch, which would of been the perfect opportunity for me (or my anorexia) to be like "Well everyone has already eaten now, I don't have to!" But I ate anyway, Roast potatos, veg and a few Yorkshire puds, I even had pudding. And a bit more wine... the rest of the day consisted of a few smalls bits of chocolate, pasta, and crisps ( + more wine...) #fatty.

But I didn't engage in any disordered behaviors. I didn't purge or binge or restrict or exercise until it hurt to move. I ate, like a normal person. Todays number on the scale freaked me out a little bit, but t doesn't change the fact that I actually had one of the happiest Christmas' I've had since my eating disorder took over my life.

The great company and wine obviously played a huge factor in it being great but yesterday was a great big fat 'fuck you' to anorexia.

Anorexia 0, Lydia 1.